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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25424281">A Girl Trying To Cope</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellisinprogress1/pseuds/ellisinprogress1'>ellisinprogress1</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Orphan Black (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:34:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>338</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25424281</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellisinprogress1/pseuds/ellisinprogress1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A little Rachel story based on the detail in the show of her picking at her fingernails.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Girl Trying To Cope</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've always picked at my fingers, so i based this a little of of me. This is set in season 1/2 but it doesn't really matter.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rachel is lonely. Then shaking her head, remembered that she's not allowed to feel lonely anymore. She's not allowed to feel lonely in a new attempt to feel less ... well, lonely. It's not working.</p><p>She realizes that her thumbs are warm and damp in her palms. She turns on her lamp next to her bed, in this new light she sees that the skin around her thumb nails is bleeding, and there's a new red stain on the off-white of the lamp shade. Rachel takes her cover off, being careful not to get blood on it, and pads to the bathroom. Her bare feet ache on the cold of the floor tiles. She runs the tap, and puts her hands under the stream of water, letting her fingers get numb in the cold water before it warms up. </p><p>She stares at herself in the mirror, makes a face. Her features look contorted and twisted in the dark. In a moment of panic she quickly turn the light on. She takes a deep breath, relieved. She looks normal in the light, just the same as she has always done.</p><p>She goes back to washing away the blood dried around her fingernails. Soon, the water runs clear: she's clean. She grabs a fistful of tissue and dabs her hands dry. She doesn't flinch at the pain that comes. She was expecting it.<br/>
Once, she had flinched. Her father had grabbed her hand, she was embarrassing him, and she had flinched. He had quickly pulled her out of the room, looked at her hand, eyes wide. She remembers searching his face to see if he felt sorry for her. She had only seen disappointment.</p><p>Rachel makes her way back to bed. she lies on her back, her hands out of the comforter, crossed on top of her stomach. She tries her best to keep them still and calm. She promises she's trying her very best.<br/>
When Rachel eventually falls asleep a small pool of blood stains the comforter under her fingers.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know what you think :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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